It’s that time of year again. The teams are about to unveil their new cars for the season.
Normally this doesn’t involve me but this year we have four rookie teams with no clue what to do, and the phone’s been ringing off the hook.
Worst of the lot is Sir Big Swinging Dick. Calls me up at all hours about things like colour schemes and grid girl uniforms. I keep asking him how’re the engineers doing but all he comes up with is, “Bernie do you think all-black’s a good scheme? The ad agency guys, whom I incidentally pay an effing fortune, say that’s the way to go because all their cars are black too. But the Virgin logo looked pretty OK on white, like last year’s Brawns, didn’t it? Or should I go with brighter colours, so that the cameras can follow us more easily?”
I’m tempted to tell him the cameras won’t have any problem in the unlikely event they want to follow them, just train them on the back of the field but I bite my tongue and instead I say, look I really don’t care, more important question is, are you on track with engineering? How’re the aerodynamics going? Hope your development budget matches your ad agency’s?
He says, aerodynamics Bernie? What do I know about that? Guess it’s all going fine. Didn’t hear of any problems. You know how it is, it’s all about marketing these days. So you really don’t have a problem with black? How about black miniskirts for the girls as well? Did you see that mood board I forwarded you from the ad agency meeting?
I tell him I’m fine with black miniskirts as long as he won’t put them on his pit crew, what with the fire hazard and all, not to mention the negative effects on TV ratings. Fortunately he seems to think this is funny and rings off.
Thank God for small blessings.