Helping out Stefan

I’ve been off the air for a while, had to recover from the shock of not only having to let go of Saab, but losing it to those bloody Dutchmen to boot. This kind of thing never used to affect me – I guess I’m getting old.

I got you there, didn’t I? Me, Bernie Ecclestone, the Emperor of F1, affected by a business deal? You must be joking. Business is business, and sports is sports, and always the twain shall meet. I know this bloke Twain or whoever it was never said it exactly that way, but he could’ve.

Case in question, Campos. I’ve had something against these losers from day one. Yes I know they were lured into F1 on Max’s promise that there would be a 30 million quid budget cap. Or 40 million, I keep forgetting. That Spaniard sissy Adrian Campos has been on the horn ever since, reminding me of the cap and that he really, really had no more money to spend than 30 mil because initially he thought it was Euros not Pounds and even that 30 mil as it turned out was a stretch and it was our fault for not sticking with Max’s promises and blah blah whine whine.

I’ll tell you, I have no time for that nonsense. So I got in touch with good old Zoran ‘Stefan’ Stefanovich, an old pal of mine. Funny enough, I’ve gotten to know Stefan because his head of security, Vladislav (or ‘Vlad the Impaler’ as his friends prefer to call him) is thick as thieves with my head of security, Goran. Goran (pictured below in his favourite pose) himself may not be someone to mess with but Vlad apparently is something else. Goran always starts to whisper when he talks about Vlad, even though they’ve been friends since – well, let’s not get into details. But I digress.

So I gave Stefan a call and told him about my problem with the whiner. “Stef old boy, remember how you just missed a place on the grid last year because those damn Toyota boys waited till November to pull out?” Decided not to mention it was his own bloody fault to begin with for suing the FIA. “Well, I’ve got a way in for you.”

Stefan of course was all ears. And you can say what you want, but he doesn’t need more than a hint. A true man of action. So I dropped casually that Campos still hadn’t paid for those Dallara chassis and that Dallara were mightily pissed off about that and that they would be damned if those cars would be sent off to whatever destination before they were completely paid, by Campos or by someone else, even if this would be a someone who didn’t need the bloody chassis but had the money lying around anyway and are you getting the point Stefan? He did.

As I see it, it now looks like we’ll be at least one team short on the grid in Bahrain, innit? If not two, actually. Stefan has already moved his equipment over there. As I said, a true man of action. Sounds a bit cruel but it’s a dog eat dog world. F1 is a sports for blokes with guts, not only on the track but off it as well.

‘Nuff said.

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