Now listen carefully, Boris: I don’t care if your middle name is De Pfeffel, or if you’re in the habit of cutting your own hair after downing half a dozen whiskies. I couldn’t care less if you went to Eton or Balliol or both. I’ve attended Bexleyheath Comprehensive and done quite well out of it, thank you.
But let me make one thing very clear: you’re the Mayor of London, and I’m in charge of F1 circuits, and never shall they meet Mark Twain. Am I making myself clear? So no more unauthorised street races in your town. I’ll talk to Mark Webber separately. Now go back to organising your Olympics.