Fire in the hole!

F1 people are an unruly bunch. Especially FOTA. Believe me, I know. I used to be one of them, before I became a Supremo. So far I think I’ve done a decent job of keeping them under my thumb, but it hasn’t been easy.

With all the minor skirmishes going on in the paddock lately, you might think life in F1 on the whole’s been quite peaceful.

You could not be more mistaken. Give these rascals a finger and they take your whole hand. Take for instance advertising. Everybody knows I have Allsport has the sole rights to that. Thing is, the teams’ve always parked their big trailer trucks in the paddock, with those giant logos on them. Since no one complained, they now started bringing advertising materials to stick on the garage walls.

Believe me, those posters and stickers are like viruses. You have to contain them. I think that’s why they call marketing viral nowadays. If you don’t nip it in the bud, before long the whole paddock will be plastered over with bloody sponsor’s logos and billboards. Theirs, mind, not mine Allsport’s.

There’s only one way to deal with infractions with that. Zero tolerance. So not only do we Allsport get them to take their sponsor porn from the garage walls – we also order the trucks out of the paddock. “But we’ve always parked them there!” Don’t care. Out with them.

Williams yuppy Adam Parr hit the nail on the head: “I think Bernie sometimes wakes up on a Wednesday morning and says to himself ‘I’m going to yank a few chains’. 99 per cent of the time, we resolve these things without any blood being spilled.”

Well said, Adam. Consider me a firefighter. A proactive one. I see something smoldering, I start a fire. 99 per cent of the time, someone runs out and extinguishes it. If not, it’s time for me to use my axe. Be warned.

3 responses to “Fire in the hole!

  1. Pingback: Heikki the hero | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

  2. Pingback: The Great Fireman Tradition of F1 | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

  3. Pingback: Enough already. Time to sharpen the knives | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

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