German spies are among us

What’s the world coming to? BP can’t keep its oil in their wells, the American army spills documents on a biblical scale, and now even F1 isn’t safe any more. Bloody Germans got their greasy paws on next year’s classified Grand Prix list. No harm done as there aren’t any sensitive negotiation situations on the 2011 roster, but these things simply shouldn’t happen.

Imagine this would’ve happened with the race lineup for 2012 or ’13. Tavo and his friends would find out who else in the US we’re taking to. The Mayor of Sao Paulo would find out we’ve still got nothing in South Africa and continue letting Interlagos go to seed. The Europeans would find out who’ll get the boot when Moscow, Rome and the second US race come online.

And I’m not even mentioning the team bosses. Lazy buggers have only one goal in life, and that’s keeping the number of races as low as possible. God forbid they’d have to leave the office more than 20 times a year! ‘Bernie, the fans would get tired.’

The fans? For chrissakes, the fans’ll grab any chance they get to sink in front of the bleeding telly to curse Schumacher, idolise Hamilton or listen to Eddie Jordan’s drivel. A couple are lucky enough to buy a ticket to one or two races. Anything to escape from their boring lives and enter the glamorous, high-tech world of F1. Give them 25 races, we’ll sell them all!

But I digress. Memo to self: instruct Goran, my Head of Security, to put his lads on guard around the clock. Nobody gets in or out until the lineup has been finalised.

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