Kimi called

Bernie, he says, you’re goowd friends with Gerard Lopez, are you not? Can you poot in a goowd word for a poowr Finn who wants to go back too Formula One?

Now there’s a surprise, Kimi. I thought you had so much fun in rallye sports?

“Well I had, but lately it has not been sow much fun any more. Turns out, you have to commyoonicate with people all the time. Even in the car you have to commyoonicate with your navigator, instead of just drive the thing.”

Commyoonicate? You mean you actually have to speak to people?

“Yes Bernie, all the time. This is not my style. I just want to have a goowd race. I want to concentrate on driving. I do not want someone yelling pace notes at me all the time. The owther day in Japan it happened again, like so many times before. We were doing fine, having a goowd race. Then I misunderstoowd a pace note and there we went again. It was the blowdy limit. I dont need advice, it just distracts me. I want to go back to being alone in the cawr.”

This was the longest speech I’d heard from him in all those years. Things must be really bad. But Kimi, do you realise in F1 people comyoownicate, sorry, communicate with you during races as well these days? Over the radio. Ask Felipe. He can tell you all about it.

I know, Bernie, he says. But in F1 I can just pretend I doo not hear the radio. Just turn off the blowdy thing. Have always done that. Ferrari pretended not to know, which was goowd when we still won races. But then Alonso came and he wanted to talk a lot. The rest you know.

Kimi returning to F1 would be good for the sport, of course. Not necessarily for post race conferences, but definitely good for viewership and sponsors. So of course I promised to put in a good word for him. Least I can do, Kimi. Pleasure’s all mine.

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3 responses to “Kimi called

  1. This is so incredibly funny. I couldn’t stop laughing. What do you honestly think Kimi’s chances are for getting back into F1?

  2. I think someone at Renault is doing some sharp calculations as we speak. But as Kimi would say: F1 is what it is, and you never know until you do.

  3. Pingback: Kimi’s job interview | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

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