Ran into Colin Kolles th’other day. “How’s Sakamoto? Still on the trots?”
No, Colin said, he never had them. And it’s Yamamoto. Sakon Yamamoto. Not Sakamoto. Can’t you get that right for once? And about those trots, tell you the truth, he just hadn’t paid the bill for the Singapore race seat, so I had a perfect excuse for putting a real driver out on the track. You have no idea how quickly I phoned Christian Klien after checking the bank account. The food poisoning was just an excuse to save his face. Which he also screwed up, by the way, by appearing in the paddock to watch the race.
So of course I’m trying to act surprised. “Blimey, so Montezuma’s revenge was really Mastercard’s revenge? I’m shocked. And stunned. Matter of fact, shocked and stunned. What’s the world coming to, these days?”
Stop kidding around, Bernie, he says. You knew this all along. I really wish you’d stop making jokes in public about it, by the way. Doesn’t do our reputation as a serious Formula One team a whole lot of good. And besides, we’ve taken care of the issue, so it won’t happen again. He’ll be back in the car in Japan.
Taken care of it? How?
Well, you remember how we had to modify Sakon’s steering wheel because he couldn’t handle all those buttons? Turns out he has the same problem making internet bank transfers.Too many options. Gets him confused. That’s why we didn’t get the money in time for Singapore. And since we had plenty of room on the modified steering wheel, we decided we could make it really easy for him.
So now the only thing he has to do is punch one of four really big buttons. Each is programmed to transfer $450,000. He can do this at any time during practice, qualifying, or the race, which will then pay for the next race. Can’t go wrong.
Colin, you’re brilliant. In fact, it opens up a whole new, dynamic world of sponsoring. I’ll have to talk to Paddy about this, see how we can make an extra billion or so out of that.