Daily Archives: October 13, 2010

Dear Russians, I’m ready to sign


Say the word, and you’ll have your Grand Prix in 2014.

Believe me, it wasn’t easy. When the Sochi blokes (shown above) kept dragging their feet I had to do what I always do in such cases: develop an alternative and kick their indecisive arses with it.

Tell you the truth, I’d even started to prefer the alternative. This Dutchman of all people came up with a street circuit around the Kremlin that was nothing short of spectacular. He and his Moscow City Hall pal Makarov came up with the idea, had some fur clad beauties wave it in front of the world press, and Vlad’s your uncle. Except, he wasn’t.

You see, all of this could only happen with the blessing of comrade Luzhkov, the all-powerful Mayor of Moscow. Makarov was Lushkov’s man, and the Dutchman had handed out handsome fees to all takers to smooth the way.

And guess what? The Russian Powers That Be (who else but Uncle Vlad himself, of course) saw the signs on the wall. So they fired bullet head Luzhkov and told the goons in Sochi to get their act together. Lo and behold.

What a country. Anyway, it ain’t over until the fat lady sings. Let’s wait and see what happens next.

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Mark Webber Milking continues

… in fact, it’s getting worse. Apparently someone at Canberra Milk, or worse, their ad agency, has figured out Mark couldn’t hit a note if it was sitting on the apex of an F1 circuit’s corner. So their advertising serfs came up with this version.

Let me tell you, Canberra Milk Morons: Mark’s ‘singing’ was the only entertaining thing in the whole bleedin’ commercial. So get it into your Ozzie dairy farmers’ heads: this ain’t funny. Not even close.

Mark, I know there’s probably a contract sitting out there that you signed when you weren’t the prime Championship contender you are today. But if there’s even a shadow of an escape clause in there, grab it. Get the lawyers on it. The last thing you want is to become the World Champion Canberra Milk Boy.

Memo to all the other lads: stay away from dairy and other loser stuff. Leave that to Danica Patrick and all the other household appliances. You’re supposed to be real men, the lot of you. Stick to promoting manly goods like spark plugs.

[Thanks, dear reader Lyn, for sending me the commercial.]