I found the perfect solution for Lewis

He kept calling me late at night, saying he couldn’t sleep, getting increasingly worried about the FIA taking away his Superlicence.

We announced this a couple of months ago: in future the FIA can and will punish its licence holders for road traffic offences. If you’re really bad they’ll even take your licences away. And yes, Lewis, that includes your F1 Superlicence.

It’s a leftover from Max Mosley’s days. Max was always big on two things: Road Safety – his big legacy – and Punishment. The new system sits on the crossroads of both. It does fit very well with FIA’s new mission in life, which goes way beyond motor racing alone. As a driver you’re now not only supposed to behave on the circuit, but in ordinary traffic as well. Unless you’re Jenson Button’s bodyguard, of course. Jean Todt likes the idea as well so he’s pushed it through the General Assembly. It’s official now.

Lewis on his way to the office

Which doesn’t help Lewis’ mood. Since Melbourne he thinks everybody’s out to get him. Thing is, people keep giving him these hideously fast cars to drive around in. So he thinks he has to prove he can drive them. It doesn’t even occur to him to lift the accelerator pedal a little. ‘Braking late is in my blood,’ he keeps saying.

I even suggested him to have Nicole drive him to work instead but he says it’s a horrible way to die. Says he wishes the FIA could take away her driver’s licence.

And that’s when it hit me. The perfect antidote. In fact it had been lingering in my mind ever since Suzuka and this silly business with the Satanic Three Wheeler. Lewis definitely developed a taste for three wheelers since.

So Lewis, here’s my gift to you. I’ll have it delivered to your doorstep before you’ll get back from Abu Dhabi. 27 Horsepower and a top speed of 70mph. Try to hoon this one! You’ll have a hard time getting even close to the maximum allowed speed.

And as a bonus: it has only one seat. So no need to be terrified by your Pussycat any more.

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2 responses to “I found the perfect solution for Lewis

  1. Pingback: Button gone missing | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

  2. Pingback: Lewis, let me help you out again | Fake Bernie Ecclestone

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