Category Archives: F1

The rain I ordered is not being delivered…

… And I was really clear about it. I guess it’s time to become more serious about these Chinese rain cannon. You can’t trust the climate these days,

This Travolta thing has worked out very well

I’m getting a lot of excitement from people who saw John Travolta strutting around Albert Park like a peacock that just swallowed a particularly juicy earthworm. Wasn’t easy, you know. It’s a bit of a handful to have an overconfident narcissistic gazillionaire waving the Checkered Flag. But all in all it seems to be good for business, so it’s definitely worth repeating. Another Italian job for Charlize Theron, maybe?


Which reminds me, it’s another sign that Hollywood and F1 make a great combination. Rest assured, dear friends, there will be more of that in your future. Watch this space, as they say in Tinseltown.

Team orders? Oh please

Talk about wind socks. I can still vividly remember the outrage about team orders when Barrichello had to let Schumacher pass for points, in Austria in 2002. People were baying for blood and the FIA, finding out there was nothing illegal here, slapped a million dollar fine on the lot of them for podium abuse. Those were the days, my friend.

Anyway, thought that was clear. So who can describe my utter astonishment when I see morons like Martin Brundle, who of all people should know better, blathering about how Ferrari should’ve told Massa to let Alonso pass so he could attack Kubica and Button.

Alonso's head on this platter, please

Massa? Letting Alonso pass? Have you taken leave of your senses, Martin? So far things ‘ve been fairly civilised, with Felipe and Fernando being the biggest pals in the world and all that crap, especially when the TV cameras are running and the little red light is on. But we’re all waiting for the explosion. Except Brundle, apparently.

This is what you get when race drivers become bloody journos. Not only do they report, they also have an opinion. And the worst is yet to come. The BBC are now grooming David ‘Pundit’ Coulthard to be their next star. Almost makes me think of retirement.

Wind socks

Unbelievable how it was just one week ago that everyone and his brother predicted the death of F1. And now all of a sudden F1 ‘has produced a classic’, the race was spot-on and everyone’s forgotten Bahrain boredom.

Journos are a bunch of wind bags. It’s natural – otherwise they would’ve chosen a real profession. But who knew that the bloggers, the so-called heroes of new media, would be worse? They don’t deserve to be called wind bags. They’re a bunch of bloody wind socks.

Stay cool, lads

Like I said yesterday, Bahrain was deader than a dead duck in the dead of the desert (we get it – ed.). Matter of fact, I was the only one who did the right thing – leave halfway and run for the private jet home. Someone has to keep his cool in this madhouse.

Which I can’t say for the rest of the circus. FOTA and the team bosses are suddenly all in favour of a mandatory second pitstop after voting it down just a few months ago. The rookies are screaming bloody murder, saying it’s not their fault so whatever you do, don’t punish us. The only ones who’re happy are Continue reading


Well, the season’s started. Always a relief to see the whole thing getting in motion, all my teams getting their cars on the grid (well, almost all), the local hotel prices quadrupling, and my beloved almost 600 million viewers gathering in front of their tellies. Four World Champions on the grid, the best cars ever. What on Earth can go wrong?

Except what we got to see was arguably the most expensive funeral procession in the world. Continue reading