Received your memo, Bernie, he says. All I’ve got to say is I had ab-so-lute-ly nothing to do with this. Those Red Bull bastards acted completely on their own authority. I’ll personally see to it that it won’t happen again. In fact, I’ve just increased the congestion charge for F1 cars by 1000%. Will cost them 80 quid per pitstop now. That’ll keep ’em out.
By the way, while on the subject, a street race in London wouldn’t be a bad idea at all, would it? Great backdrop. Think about it. Ta!
Now listen carefully, Boris: I don’t care if your middle name is De Pfeffel, or if you’re in the habit of cutting your own hair after downing half a dozen whiskies. I couldn’t care less if you went to Eton or Balliol or both. I’ve attended Bexleyheath Comprehensive and done quite well out of it, thank you.
But let me make one thing very clear: you’re the Mayor of London, and I’m in charge of F1 circuits, and never shall they meet Mark Twain. Am I making myself clear? So no more unauthorised street races in your town. I’ll talk to Mark Webber separately. Now go back to organising your Olympics.