Tag Archives: F1 Shanghai

Mark Webber, snookered

Well put, Mark. Couldn’t’ve said it better myself.

Meanwhile, don’t take this too literally please, tomorrow during the start.

A little respect, please

Time and again I’ve told the Chinese to keep their bloody circuit in order. Let me tell you, it was touch and go earlier this year when we negotiated the deal for the next seven years. Yes, it’s important to have a race in China, but holding an event in an underpromoted, unreachable, half-empty pigsty is in nobody’s interest.

Sold out - to the blokes who put up the Chinese characters

The morons here in Shanghai (Juss Event – spelling is not their forte either) now seem to understand that.

At least, they say they do. I keep constantly running into people here who ask me “Are you that bloke from the Singapore Grand Prix? Because that’s the only F1 race that’s ever been advertised in Shanghai.” And did I mention the train? The one that connects the circuit to the city and doesn’t run when the race is on?

China is China, they keep telling me. Well, let me tell you: China won’t be Shanghai if this mess won’t be sorted out.

Meanwhile, the least they can do is show me a little respect, of course.

Back in action


I know, my friends, it’s been a while. Busy at work, renegotiating the Shanghai GP, defending The Neck against the bloodthirsty pack of media hounds, and battling it out with New Jersey politicians. These blokes fight without gloves, I can tell you! But they haven’t been up against Bernie yet, so watch this space.

Meanwhile, who can stay indoors when Monaco is about to happen? See you all at the One Race To Rule Them All, as they say in New Zealand.

Who said we needed rain?

The lads are finally showing they can do some overtaking on dry. Mostly at the cost of old Schumi.

Now that’s what lap charts should look like.

Hamilton and Vettel behave like Shanghai taxi drivers…

… on their way in and out of the pit lane. Wheel to wheel, although the lads still have a lot to learn from the taxi drivers in this city.

Looking at an alternative calendar for 2010

In case the Iceland volcano keeps on spewing ash, here’s an alternative schedule for the 2010 Grand Prix:

Bahrain

Melbourne

KL

Shanghai

Shanghai

Shanghai

Shanghai

This brings us to June and then we’ll see further. I’ve just booked my suite in the Four Seasons in Pu Xi for another month.

And now let’s pray for rain…

… although I’m working hard on not having to pray any more. Since I’m in China, centre of rainmaking excellence in the world, I’ve made some calls and I think I found an interesting contact, a Mr Why You Pay. You Pay knows a high ranking Army officer, a Colonel I think, in the Weather Modification Research Centre. (They actually have one.)

You Pay’s a funny man. He says, our ancestors used to pray to the spirits for rain, but China has a modern army now and the motto of every modern army is, why pray when cannon can do the job?

Sounds like my kind of army. So when can we start sourcing these rainmaking cannon? Ah, says You Pay, this is where you need lots of patience. Not easy because supplier needs to be contacted by army first. Need to find out if state secrets are involved. Next, need to obtain export licence. Also will cost a lot of money.

Ah I say, now you’re talking. So how much do I need to pay you to get all this done quickly? Oh no, says You Pay, I don’t want money. If you give me money and Beijing finds out, they put me to death for corruption. Bad deal. But I have another solution. I’ve set up a JV company in the British Virgin Islands together with my Colonel friend and we deal through JV company.

I say, so I need to pay a lot of money to your JV company instead of directly to you? What’s the difference?

But You Pay shakes his head and smiles. Ah no, you only need to pay the supplier for cannon but we don’t need money. We want something else.

Now you lost me, I say, getting an uneasy feeling. So what do you want from me instead?

He smiles again. Only one little thing he says. Continue reading

Just had breakfast with Ross

I said, don’t you need to be in the pit garage right now? He says yes, but we still have that German caterer, you know, the Soup Nazi? Tried to get rid of him for a long time now but the problem is, he’s Mercedes approved. Had to file a request through Norbert, all the way up the line. I believe it’s about to go before the Daimler Board now.

And I tell you, Bernie, it’s not contributing to team morale. Things are so tense, you could cut slices off the atmosphere on days like this. Michael’s seconds off the pace while Nico’s doing stellar laps. Michael blames me for designing a car that’s more suited to Nico than to him and not redesigning it fast enough, and on top of that I have to deal with the car being off the general pace altogether.

Norbert’s under pressure from Zetsche, who wants results or else. And meanwhile Continue reading

Got a call from Flavio

Sounded like he was at some tennis tournament. I’m sorry but I can’t get out! He shouted into the phone.

I said, sorry Flavio but what do you mean? He says I’ve been cleared, Bernie, so naturally I was going to join you at the Grand Prix. Celebrate! Have a little fun in Xin Tian Di, no? Get some girls, go paint the town, give all these imbeciles that now run F1 the finger! But I’m in Monaco and I can’t get out! Do you know how boring it is to see Nadal crushing everything he sees at the other side of the net? It’s almost like the bad old days, watching by how many laps Schumacher would win this time.

I’m bored, Bernie. Bored! But every flight’s been cancelled and they’ve run out of private jets, too!

I’m starting to say that his ban is lifted as per 2013 so it might be wise to stay a little low until then, but decide against it for now.

Thank you, Iceland.

Don’t try this at home, laddies

At least that’s the advice we’re getting from The Sun after Sebastian Buemi’s mishap at the Shanghai circuit today. Kid me not. It’s not often you see two front wheels simultaneously jump off the car as if they’re trying to escape from impending disaster.

Although it was a wee bit funny when the camera switched immediately afterwards to the driver’s point of view and we could see Seb frantically trying to steer the car without any wheels to steer it with.

I know the feeling. You get yourself into a bit of a pickle and there’s nothing you can do any more but watch the drama unfolding. Life can be frustrating that way.