Tag Archives: Kimi Raikkonen

This is why I sometimes miss Kimi…

Hugh Laurie thinks he’s parodying a Frenchman here, but anyone who’s seen Kimi Raikkonen in a post-race conference will think Finnish. “We had a goowd race. We were not so happy with the car but eventually we won so I guess in the end we had a goowd race. And to have a goowd race is goowd because we won the race. Mubadala mubadala mubadala”

What we see on podium these days are good pupils who paid attention in media training class. I’m certain that’s one thing Kimi couldn’t care less about.

Makes it an even greater pity that his job interview with Renault ended in such a disaster.

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Kimi’s job interview

My friend Gerard Lopez tells me Renault are not completely sure about hiring Kimi Raikkonen. “On the plus side, Kimi’s got a lot going for him. He’s talented, no doubt. He’s a former Champion. He’s only been out of F1 for less than a year so there’s not so much of a Schumi-risk.”

So what’s bugging you, Gerard?

“Motivation, mostly,” he says. “Kimi’s got a bit of a reputation as a party animal. Can’t be bothered to do anything besides driving, which he loves. He’s known to hate the more boring parts of the job. Stuff like going through telemetry data, spending time on the simulator and giving feedback to the engineers. Communicating with engineers and mechanics in general. That sort of thing.”

I can see that. Commyoonicating is not Kimi’s strongest point. So it’s a bit of a judgment call, then. How’re you going solve that, Gerard?

“We’ve arranged a job interview. Eric Bouiller is going to look him in the eye and ask him a few specific questions. See if he means it.”

On past performance, that should be fun. Kimi’s a regular champion in coming up with non-answers to any question. If you want examples, look here, here or here. Yes, I’d love to be a fly on the wall in this one. I imagine it’d go something like this:

Continue reading

Kimi called

Bernie, he says, you’re goowd friends with Gerard Lopez, are you not? Can you poot in a goowd word for a poowr Finn who wants to go back too Formula One?

Now there’s a surprise, Kimi. I thought you had so much fun in rallye sports?

“Well I had, but lately it has not been sow much fun any more. Turns out, you have to commyoonicate with people all the time. Even in the car you have to commyoonicate with your navigator, instead of just drive the thing.”

Commyoonicate? You mean you actually have to speak to people?

“Yes Bernie, all the time. This is not my style. I just want to have a goowd race. I want to concentrate on driving. I do not want someone yelling pace notes at me all the time. The owther day in Japan it happened again, like so many times before. We were doing fine, having a goowd race. Then I misunderstoowd a pace note and there we went again. It was the blowdy limit. I dont need advice, it just distracts me. I want to go back to being alone in the cawr.”

This was the longest speech I’d heard from him in all those years. Things must be really bad. Continue reading

Another entertaining idea…

Get Kimi Raikkonen back into F1. Chances are, something like this’ll happen:

Or this:

Or maybe this:

That’ll draw in the crowds. Like it does in the WRC, apparently. Forget about any budget caps, though. Anyhow, looks like with Kimi around in his present state you won’t easily get bored. Except during the press conference, of course.

Must run this by the McLaren boys. They don’t believe in budget caps anyway. Plus, they might need a replacement for Button by end of season.