Tag Archives: London

Royal Wedding’ed out? I know I am

In fact, I got the Hell out of Dodge, as the Yanks say. That’s the advantage of having a private jet – you can just pop out at your leisure if it becomes a bit too much.

Believe me, when your senses start being assaulted with things like William-and-Kate-themed bog parafernalia, you realise things are getting out of hand. If anyone ever came up with seriously crappy Wedding merchandise, this must be it.

Fortunately, there was one bit at the very end that made up for a lot. You can say a lot about batty old Charles, but he does have taste in cars.

A Happy Ending after all.

Don’t worry, I’m alive and kicking

OK, I was mugged. It happens to the best of us.

I know, I know, I said not so long ago that muggers tend to look for the soft and not too bright, but I was mainly needling Jenson, wasn’t I? I mean, the lad needed a bit of a prod to keep him in the running for the Championship, that was all. And I did apologise.

And let’s face it, I did say that mugging was more common in central London, didn’t I? Did I hit the nail on the head with that one, or didn’t I?

Personally I’m not easily affected by four losers going after a watch and some jewellery. If you’re used to the shenanigans in the F1 world, a simple mugging just looks like child’s play. But it’s a bloody shame it had to happen to my beloved Fabiana as well, and right outside my front door, too. Poor girl, women really react badly to things like this. And I just wished The Sun wouldn’t’ve highlighted the bit about the 200,000 quid’s worth. That was for the insurance, not for the press.

Goran

Anyway, the Yard’s Robbery Squad has announced they’re hot on the trail of the blokes who did it. Apparently we weren’t the first ones to be given the once-over.

I can only say one thing to you, muggers: if I were you I’d really, really hope that Scotland Yard got to you first. Because I’ve put Goran, my Head of Security on the case. Goran (pictured here in his favourite pose) learned a lot of interesting techniques during the Balkan wars and he’s been complaining about getting rusty lately. Told me he badly needs some practice.

So pray, morons. Pray that the Yard finds you first.