Tag Archives: Michael Schumacher

Discover your inner hoon

Lewis, Michael and Sebastian already did, but they’re rank amateurs compared to this. The lad must live close to work, because he seems to be going through an entire set of tyres inside of seven minutes.

If we weren’t having a cracker season at the moment (and yes, all thanks to my dear friend Max – keep groveling, David ‘Pundit’ Coulthard) then I’d suggest to put in a couple of trials like these halfway each race, for extra Championship points.

Except in Singapore, of course.

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The Schumi storm is still raging

Schumi fans seen changing their minds

You’d think that the bully-gate brouhaha would be smothered in the silly Summer season by now. (Bernie, don’t quit your day job – ed.)

But despite, or maybe because of cucumber time, the debate rages on. See here, here and here, for instance. Even his fans seem to be turning away. It’s gotten so bad, the Germans found it necessary to trot out brother Ralf to tell mankind Michael’s not a sociopath.

Simmer down, people. I’ll talk to Michael and he’ll be a good boy from Spa onwards.

To Schumi’s defence

When you’re as old as I am, you recognise a lynch mob when you see one. And I’m seeing one right before my eyes.

It’s been half a week now since Bully-gate and the crowd only seems to gather. Look, an injustice being done! And there’s a villain too! A celebrity no less! A seven-time World Champion!

Look, my friends, I’m not trying to play down what Michael tried to do to Rubens last Sunday. Indeed, I made a bit of fun of him myself because of it. But let’s not exaggerate things. Yes, he was out of line and he’s been punished for it with ten grid places which means, given the dreadful Mercedes he’s driving, that next race he’ll probably start from the back. End of story.

For those who nevertheless keep on trying to make a mountain out of a mole hill I have one word: Ayrton Senna. OK, two words, but you get my drift.

Ayrton is seen by many (including me) as the Greatest Driver That Ever Was and an enormous number of people still worship the ground that he has walked on, God bless his soul. A lot of those people conveniently forget Continue reading

Schumi the Fail Whale

Apparently Americans like to follow our Grand Prix through something called Twitter. I had my lovely assistant explain what that is and it turns out I’m already on it! She tried to show me the website during the Hungaroring race but all there was to be seen was a picture of a whale. Apparently it’s called the Fail Whale, a big fish in the Twitter world. You always see it around when there’s something, well, fishy going on.

Sounds suspiciously like Michael Schumacher’s place in F1.

Mark Webber’s Schumacher Complex

Congrats Mark, I told him right after the race, you must be feeling great after this. “I sure do, Bernie,” he said, “but do you know what I liked most? Lapping Michael. All these years struggling mid-field while Schu’s winning one race after another. And here’s me, breezing past him like a back-field straggler. Boy that feels good, mate!”

I knew it. There was something vaguely familiar in that victory jump of his.

"Coming through...!"

“That’s great, Mark,” I reply. “And good to see you’re having a role model in life. But isn’t it time to change it to someone else? Ayrton Senna, perhaps? He never tried to kill his fellow drivers. Ask Rubens. He’s got some experience to share.”

“Accuse me of imperfection at your peril”

He hasn’t really changed, has he?

Which begs the question, what’s he doing down there then? If it’s not the Grand Master himself, that leaves either the car or the points system. But don’t quote me.

Who bothers with small fry? It’s The Neck we want!

If you wanted proof that hunting season on Michael Schumacher is officially open for not only journos but everybody else as well, Monaco was the place for you last weekend. Let’s leave the discussion aside about how stiff the penalty should’ve been for overtaking Alonso. I mean let’s face it, the rule wasn’t exactly a monument of clarity and they could’ve exercised a tiny bit more restraint in punishing Michael.

But the really telling bit is the speed and eagerness with which the stewards dropped everything when they spotted Michael’s manoeuvre. At least according to one of them, Paul Gutjahr, that’s the reason Barrichello got away with tossing his steering wheel under an HRT after getting stuck in the middle of the track.

According to Gutjahr, Barrichello’s little lapse was definitely on the radar but, and I quote, ‘it simply fell off the agenda in the “hectic rush” to sort out Michael.’

I really don’t want to be the one who’s rushing to Michael’s defence all the time, but seriously, let’s give the lad a break, won’t we?

Sad, very sad.