Tag Archives: Nicole Scherzinger

I found the perfect solution for Lewis

He kept calling me late at night, saying he couldn’t sleep, getting increasingly worried about the FIA taking away his Superlicence.

We announced this a couple of months ago: in future the FIA can and will punish its licence holders for road traffic offences. If you’re really bad they’ll even take your licences away. And yes, Lewis, that includes your F1 Superlicence.

It’s a leftover from Max Mosley’s days. Max was always big on two things: Road Safety – his big legacy – and Punishment. The new system sits on the crossroads of both. It does fit very well with FIA’s new mission in life, which goes way beyond motor racing alone. As a driver you’re now not only supposed to behave on the circuit, but in ordinary traffic as well. Unless you’re Jenson Button’s bodyguard, of course. Jean Todt likes the idea as well so he’s pushed it through the General Assembly. It’s official now.

Lewis on his way to the office

Which doesn’t help Lewis’ mood. Since Melbourne he thinks everybody’s out to get him. Thing is, people keep giving him these hideously fast cars to drive around in. So he thinks he has to prove he can drive them. It doesn’t even occur to him to lift the accelerator pedal a little. ‘Braking late is in my blood,’ he keeps saying.

I even suggested him Continue reading

Lewis is getting worried

Lewis on his way to work

Apparently our warning about revoking F1 licences for bad boys has struck home. Lewis is pissed off. He called me about it.

“This kinda limits my options, Bernie. You can take the boy out of F1, but you can’t take F1 out of the boy. What if I get another ticket? Can they really revoke my F1 licence? How fast can I speed without them doing that?”

Lewis, I say, if you don’t trust yourself, why don’t you let someone else drive?

“Let someone else drive? Like who? Nicole? Get real. Doing 300 an hour on a race track is less dangerous than sitting next to her in anything with an accelerator pedal. You can’t be serious. And I really think they’re picking on me here. It’s just not fair, is it?”

Well, Lewis, can’t help you there I’m afraid. In the words of the famous actor Don Johnson: send not to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. Just stay clear of the coppers.

Who would you put your money on?

One team, two drivers. The race is over, two weeks until the next race. They’re both in the running for the Championship, but there’s a lot of work that still needs to be done.

"Jenson, are you still on the simulator?"

One blows off his girlfriend and opts for the simulator instead. (No, you dirty mind, the racing simulator.) He’s headed straight for the Woking HQ.

"Best jet lag medicine ever. Bar none."

The other makes a beeline for his girlfriend, with the unique excuse that she’s the greatest medicine against jet lag. I thought I heard them all until I heard this one.

Now the big question is: which of these two lads is the one that’s not rushing to appoint a manager?