Tag Archives: Rain

Sarah Palin called. Told me to “man up”

No idea how she got my number, but there she was. Said she’d watched our Tea Party from her house, and that it was really time for us to Man Up. Apparently she couldn’t bear the sight of two dozen manly men, huddling under umbrellas and waiting for the rain to stop in order to go about their business.

Ms Palin, I said, first of all it was not a Tea Party. It was a race. A Formula One Grand Prix at that. And second, it was in Korea. I don’t think you could see it from your house, because Japan is kind of sitting in the way.

“Mr Ecclestone,” she says. (I hate it when people call me that. It’s either Mr E, or Bernie if I know you.) “Mr Ecclestone, don’t try to catch me out like all those socialist media wussies. Many tried and it’s getting old. When I say I can see it from my house that’s proverbially speakin’. And what I do see is what your people say on Twitter. Or actually, my people see that. I try to stay away from it because by gollie, there’s always sumtin’ going wrong when I do it myself.

“And I’ll be gosh darned if I’ll Continue reading

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Lotus boredom

In typical Lotus style, our boys in green were the rookies that adapted fastest to the experienced teams’ habits. Although I’m certain SS Sauber beat this contraption down the pitdrain pitlane hands down.

Don’t worry, Tony. Next year your boat will undoubtedly be faster. By the way, is there any significance to it having twin hulls?

Sauber boredom

This is where the experienced teams separate from the rookies. While Virgin plays cards, Sauber builds boats. And like everything, they take it very seriously.

Here’s a picture of the SS Sauber speeding down the pitdrain pitlane. Blimey, how exciting life in Suzuka must be today.

Virgin boredom

… during a wet wet wet waiting-for-qualifying session in Suzuka. Here’s a picture of Timo Glock and Lucas di Grassi determining who’ll be first number one driver and who’s second number one driver in the showdown with Lotus in the F1 Backmarker Championship.

One glance at the weather forecast was enough for me to decide to stay in London for the weekend. How can I still show you pictures from the pitlane, then, you might wonder? Silly you. Mr E’s spies are everywhere, of course.

Be warned. I may not be there, but I see and hear everything.

And now let’s pray for rain…

… although I’m working hard on not having to pray any more. Since I’m in China, centre of rainmaking excellence in the world, I’ve made some calls and I think I found an interesting contact, a Mr Why You Pay. You Pay knows a high ranking Army officer, a Colonel I think, in the Weather Modification Research Centre. (They actually have one.)

You Pay’s a funny man. He says, our ancestors used to pray to the spirits for rain, but China has a modern army now and the motto of every modern army is, why pray when cannon can do the job?

Sounds like my kind of army. So when can we start sourcing these rainmaking cannon? Ah, says You Pay, this is where you need lots of patience. Not easy because supplier needs to be contacted by army first. Need to find out if state secrets are involved. Next, need to obtain export licence. Also will cost a lot of money.

Ah I say, now you’re talking. So how much do I need to pay you to get all this done quickly? Oh no, says You Pay, I don’t want money. If you give me money and Beijing finds out, they put me to death for corruption. Bad deal. But I have another solution. I’ve set up a JV company in the British Virgin Islands together with my Colonel friend and we deal through JV company.

I say, so I need to pay a lot of money to your JV company instead of directly to you? What’s the difference?

But You Pay shakes his head and smiles. Ah no, you only need to pay the supplier for cannon but we don’t need money. We want something else.

Now you lost me, I say, getting an uneasy feeling. So what do you want from me instead?

He smiles again. Only one little thing he says. Continue reading

The rain I ordered is not being delivered…

… And I was really clear about it. I guess it’s time to become more serious about these Chinese rain cannon. You can’t trust the climate these days,