Tag Archives: Team orders

Are we done now?

The verdict is out, the hysterics are over. The journos and, worse, the pundits had their day. Ferrari are guilty, and the $100,000 fine just happened to be the correct punishment. Kudos to the Hockenheim race stewards. Oh and team orders will be reviewed.

Moving on, people. Nothing to see here.

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Eddie Jordan is starting to behave like a muppet…

… One of those two grumpy old guys on the balcony, to be precise. Statler or Waldorf, I never know which is which.

It’s been at the back of my mind for a while now and EJ himself finally alerted me to it. Called me up today, during a break in the World Motorsport Council Meeting, and started ranting about how Ferrari had treated us all like muppets and should be punished severely, Max Mosley-style.

I said, you mean with a whip? Convict Luca de Montezemelemololo to seven strokes of the cane, like they do in Singapore?

No Bernie, you know what I mean. They should be told who’s boss and it’s not them. If we let them get away with this, who knows where it’s going to end? Ferrari telling FIA to stick their rules where the sun doesn’t shine? Alonso telling the track marshals to blue flag everyone ahead of him so he has right of way all the way to the finish? Domenicali commandeering the pit lane when a Ferrari car’s about to pit? Bernie, you have to stop this here and now!

I said sorry Eddie, meeting’s about to start again. Talk to you later. Calm down and take one of those little pills, be a good boy.

Birthday present

Today is Alonso’s birthday. If you were wondering what Massa gave him, he just told me: it’s one of these fake road workers with a slowdown arm signal. He intends to put it out on the track, just before Alonso goes out in first practice.

Great sense of humour, Felipe has. My guess is Fernando doesn’t completely share it.

You’re the boss

I’ve been reading all these blog comments on the Ferrari team order brouhaha, and it’s amazing how quickly people seem to end up with blaming me.

Just to avoid any misunderstanding: I’m the Formula One Supremo. I’m not the boss of everything in F1. There’s a difference. Let me explain.

To begin with, I don’t call the shots in the teams. That’s the job of the team bosses. So if Ferrari issues team orders, it’s types like Luca di Montezemelemololo or Stefano Domenicali who are responsible for that. Not me. I may have an opinion about it (more about that later), but that’s another matter.

If you are now wondering who’s the real boss in Formula One if it isn’t me, just look at my simple F1 organisation chart. It’s you.

You, my beloved legion of fans, my loyal audience, are the real boss. So everything that happens in F1 is ultimately your responsibility. I’m merely the humble Supremo who does your bidding and makes sure, one way or another, that the rest falls in line.

But Bernie, I hear you ask, you have never had a real education. How did you arrive at this bold conclusion? What kind of management theory underpins your statement? Well, my friends, I have a simple answer for that too. For I am above all a practical person. It is strict adherence to management practice that has brought me to where I am now. And management practice can be described in two words: Continue reading

Team orders? Oh please

Talk about wind socks. I can still vividly remember the outrage about team orders when Barrichello had to let Schumacher pass for points, in Austria in 2002. People were baying for blood and the FIA, finding out there was nothing illegal here, slapped a million dollar fine on the lot of them for podium abuse. Those were the days, my friend.

Anyway, thought that was clear. So who can describe my utter astonishment when I see morons like Martin Brundle, who of all people should know better, blathering about how Ferrari should’ve told Massa to let Alonso pass so he could attack Kubica and Button.

Alonso's head on this platter, please

Massa? Letting Alonso pass? Have you taken leave of your senses, Martin? So far things ‘ve been fairly civilised, with Felipe and Fernando being the biggest pals in the world and all that crap, especially when the TV cameras are running and the little red light is on. But we’re all waiting for the explosion. Except Brundle, apparently.

This is what you get when race drivers become bloody journos. Not only do they report, they also have an opinion. And the worst is yet to come. The BBC are now grooming David ‘Pundit’ Coulthard to be their next star. Almost makes me think of retirement.