First there was the hooning problem. The FIA can now revoke F1 licences for anyone who won’t behave on the roads, and Lewis can’t help himself behind the wheel of a fast car. So I bought him a little Myers three wheeler with 27bhp and only one rear wheel. Can’t go wrong with that.
But now poor old Lewis has discovered Twitter. And guess what? Can’t help himself again.
“How could I know that so many people would read my tweets?” he says. “I thought I was only speaking to my fans!”
Lewis, if you put something on the Twitter the whole world can see it, not only your fans. Even I know that, and I’m from before the War.
“But that’s impossible! This means I can’t type anything on my phone without half the world getting their balls in a knot? That’s unfair! If I have a smartphone, I should be able to use it to the limit, shouldn’t I? It’s just like with cars!”
Poor Lewis. Suzuka really had it in for him. First he gets an ear infection, then he crashes out of first practice. Next thing he needs a new gearbox and is docked five grid places. Then his new gearbox gives out on him during the race so he has to let his team mate pass, costing him even more points.
The Evil Eye followed Lewis even at the Driver’s Parade draw. Jenson gets a Mercedes, there are Ferraris and Astons and Rollers, but Lewis has to draw the silly little three-wheeler Messerschmidt. And here comes the creepy part.
For this is the race were no fewer than three drivers end up with mysterious rear wheel failures. Di Grassi, Kubica and Rosberg all dropped out because their cars had become overpowered three wheeler Messerschmidts. If I were superstitious I’d never let Lewis near one of these things again.
But fortunately I’m not superstitious. Just saying.