First there was the hooning problem. The FIA can now revoke F1 licences for anyone who won’t behave on the roads, and Lewis can’t help himself behind the wheel of a fast car. So I bought him a little Myers three wheeler with 27bhp and only one rear wheel. Can’t go wrong with that.
But now poor old Lewis has discovered Twitter. And guess what? Can’t help himself again.
“How could I know that so many people would read my tweets?” he says. “I thought I was only speaking to my fans!”
Lewis, if you put something on the Twitter the whole world can see it, not only your fans. Even I know that, and I’m from before the War.
“But that’s impossible! This means I can’t type anything on my phone without half the world getting their balls in a knot? That’s unfair! If I have a smartphone, I should be able to use it to the limit, shouldn’t I? It’s just like with cars!”
… Or actually, visited for the first time. By my good friend Karun Chandhok, who’s going to do a demo run for Red Bull on the brand new circuit. A little while ago I voiced some worries whether anybody would be able to find the place, as it sits in a remote region of a remote peninsula in a remote part of Asia.
Unfortunately I have no idea how difficult is really is to go there, as I always use my private jet for these things. So Karun and I agreed he’d send out a blow-by-blow report of his trip via Twitter, the new medium that lets the whole world look over your shoulder.
This confirms my worst suspicions. I wonder how many people will to go to this amount of trouble – 26 miserable hours of trains, planes, automobiles, many of these spent lost in translations.
This means that the only thing between racing for empty grandstands and something resembling a real Grand Prix is a massive number of Koreans.
Apparently Americans like to follow our Grand Prix through something called Twitter. I had my lovely assistant explain what that is and it turns out I’m already on it! She tried to show me the website during the Hungaroring race but all there was to be seen was a picture of a whale. Apparently it’s called the Fail Whale, a big fish in the Twitter world. You always see it around when there’s something, well, fishy going on.
Sounds suspiciously like Michael Schumacher’s place in F1.
Call me a Luddite. Or maybe I’m just too old to adopt all these new technologies. Fortunately I have Fabiana, and she’s shown me how it all works. It’s amazing, actually. Apparently all kinds of people just ‘tweet’ (what a word) their innermost thoughts so that the rest of the world can share them.
What’s most amazing is what it does to people. Take Mike Gascoyne, for instance. Born and bred into the world of secrecy that is F1. Believe, they don’t call him the Rottweiler for nothing. If you’d asked him any intrusive question during his days at Benetton, Toyota or Force India, he’d set the dogs on you.
And now? I’ve followed his Twitter thing during the training session earlier today. Bloke doesn’t stop talking. Sorry, tweeting. He’s become a paragon of transparency. This is now the man that announced on Twitter that he was going to call in Jarno Trulli a lap earlier, during the race in Bahrain. In the good old days there were people in Ferrari that would’ve given their left hand to get that kind of information about their competitors during races. What’s next? Red Bull publishing details about their secret ride height system?
Believe me, my friends, the girl is brilliant. Without her astuteness in all matters IT you would not be able to read this blog, share your thoughts with me on Twitter, or enjoy my Facebook page. (And please don’t ask me what all these things mean, but the younger generation seems to understand. Or, more appropriately, they ‘get it’, as Fabiana tells me.)
So now she’s bought this new gizmo. It’s called an ‘iPad’. Personally I think the practical joker who got away with giving it that name deserves a life size April Fools statue, but apparently here’s something the younger generation does not ‘get’. Language moves in mysterious ways.
Anyway, this new gadget consists only of a screen. Continue reading