Tag Archives: Virgin

Sir Big Swinging Dick’s been lying low lately…

… so I thought I’d stir things up a bit. Told the ladies and gentlemen of the press that we might lose a rookie team or two before the end of the season. And guess whose team sits firmly at the bottom of the rankings?

It only took a few minutes. Instead of my favourite Ennio Morricone soundtrack my phone belches out orgasm sounds. Note to self: ask Fabiana to change the ringtone for Richard Branson – it was a nice joke for a while, but when it happens in company you always have explaining to do.

Hello Richard, I say, what can I do for you? Sir Swinging Dick is not amused. How could you do that? he shouts. Everybody and his mate is calling me and I have to keep telling people that we’re in it for the long run. Which means at least for the next month in Branson’s case, but I decide not to mention that.

Well, I say, you could start with getting your cars to the finish line. I mean, isn’t that what racing is all about? To drive your way back to the paddock, rather than walk? Continue reading

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To Be Or Not To Be (on the grid)

Bahrain is weeks away now, and rumours around the new teams and their chances of making the grid are reaching fever pitch. So let me clarify a couple of things now, before speculations get out of hand.

First of all, no it’s still a question if the whiny Spaniards at Campos are going to make it, although their wooden model looks good, especially with young Senna in it. And no, I haven’t sabotaged their deal with my old friend Gian Paolo Dallara although I must say it was tempting and it certainly wasn’t easy for Goran to keep Stefan’s Vlad the Impaler from going out there on his own. I believe he finally convinced Vlad to just send them a dead fish. These blokes love old mafia movies, for some reason. Boys will be boys, I guess.

As to all the speculations about who’s going to save their thin Spanish skins, Continue reading

Branson: we didn’t screw up (finally)

Funny that. After screwing up both their ‘virtual launch’ (which means launching a website but) and their first test, which was an improvement in that this time they didn’t lose the whole car but just a wing, Virgin have actually completed 63 test laps without losing any part. Which is good, considering they’ve shown a habit of coming to the track without spare parts.

Good news? Depends where you stand. Where I’m standing is at the receiving end of triumphant phone calls from Big Swinging Dick Branson. Continue reading

Black is the New Black

It’s that time of year again. The teams are about to unveil their new cars for the season.

Normally this doesn’t involve me but this year we have four rookie teams with no clue what to do, and the phone’s been ringing off the hook.

Worst of the lot is Sir Big Swinging Dick. Calls me up at all hours about things like colour schemes and grid girl uniforms. I keep asking him how’re the engineers doing but Continue reading

Branson on a budget

So Richard Branson calls me. Guy has an ego the size of one of his hot air balloons (with the same filling as well, for that matter) but he’s a fellow billionaire so what does one do? You hitch up your pants and pick up the phone. Continue reading